Funk

Stepping out of a funk.

I’m sure we all have been there at some point.  For me personally, it had been a while.  So when I fell in, it seemed like a foreign place. A place I couldn’t figure out how I ended up in.  I kept sinking deeper and deeper as I was trying to crawl out.  I had no energy, I had no strength, will or drive to push myself any harder. I felt like a zombie barely getting through my day to day life. It got to a point where I wondered if I was severely ill.  I just couldn’t pin point why I felt the way I did.

I’ve always been a person who could handle a full plate and some ... I’ve always been able to juggle multiple tasks and do it with a smile as if I weren’t dying on the inside.  For the first time in my life, I felt like I just couldn’t.  I couldn’t continue to live my life the way I was, I couldn’t continue to brush myself under the rug.  I couldn’t continue to pretend things were okay.

Ultimately, nothing drastic had happened in my life to the point where I knew where this feeling came from.  But I slowly started to realize that it was all coming from different directions. Physically I felt exhausted, there were days were I would get home and literally feel like I just couldn’t get up. Mentally, I had checked out weeks ago.  My brain was so scattered it was ridiculous.  I couldn’t focus if my life depended on it.  My planner was somewhere under piles of papers unwritten in.  My to do list was nowhere to be found.  And my daily notepad was sitting with dust on my desk.  I couldn’t even recognize this person, I had never been so unorganized in my life.  Emotionally, I was just drained.  There’s no better way to describe it.   And spiritually, I was entirely lost.  I felt like I was losing myself.

My daily life seemed like a never ending routine that was starting to eat me alive, work seemed dreadful & as a busy mother I just kept feeling as if I was failing.  Things that I used to do for fun seemed like a burden.  I just didn’t want to do anything anymore.

One day I woke up and looked at myself and said, that's it.. I can't possibly go about life like this, this isn't life.  I started to dig deeper and deeper to find the root of the problem and to sum it all up it was an entire lifestyle that I needed to change.  I just wasn't happy anymore and fell into a depression I didn't even know I was in.  I had felt sadness before in my life and even anxiety but never depression, so when it hit me I didn't even know what it was.  From that day forward I started making time for the things that once held me together and kept me sane, when life gets crazy sometimes you tend to push your personal needs to the side.  It's easy for me to put myself on the back burner and I knew that I could no longer do that.  I dusted off my journals and books and brushed up on my crafts that were once outlets.  I grew closer to god and reassured my faith.  I took steps in different directions in my life and one by one started changing things.  I noticed that I was starting to gain my energy and optimism back.  Soon enough I could say that I was starting to feel normal again, now this didn't happen overnight but I definitely noticed the change.  Always, and I mean ALWAYS make time for the things that complete you.  For the things that take your mind off of everything negative going on in your life, for the crafts and hobbies that bring you joy. 

I am sharing this almost a year later because I want you all to know that we each battle within ourselves and that no ones life is perfect.  There are dark days but the sun will always rise, there will always be better days and things will change for the better.  Keep pushing!  You've got this!  You are truly stronger than you know!  I feel you, I believe in you and you are not alone!  May your days shine & may you continue to prosper and move those mountains!

                                 xoxo,
                                          Shans

Comments